White People Calling the Cops Over Petty Things is Absurd

I get it, we live in a society where people are on a hair trigger and yet no one wants to deal with actual confrontation. One time a guy talked shit to me in a movie theater so I threw a drink on him. I went outside to confront him in hand to hand combat and instead he started shouting for the police. What an absurd reaction! I quickly departed and relaxed in my car for about thirty minutes while St. Tammany Parish deputy sheriffs questioned this soaking wet man. This was my first real experience with absurd white people.

I digress. The point is that I grew up under the impression that police had actual matters to attend to, like driving behind you for five minutes on the road just to make your palms sweat or sitting on the side of the highway as you come over the hill and you’re doing 10 over the speed limit making you slam on the brakes and say “ah shit” while you spend the next two minutes nervously checking your rearview mirror and hiding empty beer cans under the seats. Maybe that last part is just me.

I’ve only had to call the police for actual trouble once when a homeless man was outside my truck threatening to stab me in the neck and watch me bleed to death. He was normally cordial; maybe he was just having a bad day. The police basically told me they’d put a note in their file and thanked me for the information. No squad car to the rescue. I just had to let the little guy tucker himself out screaming about my impending murder.

For that reason I am utterly astonished that the police are actually responding to these calls in a timely manner. I assume these people are calling 911, and for some reason the dispatchers are just rushing cops to the scene of these absolute non-crimes. My friend had bodily harm threatened for hours and couldn’t get a single cop to give a shit. These uppity white people feel like a black person looked at them sideways and the police are over in a heartbeat.

I don’t know if this has been going on a long time and we’re just hearing about it more now, or if it’s truly a recent phenomenon. Let’s review:

Coupon Carl – A CVS employee felt like a black woman was trying to use fake coupons and called the police. She was not. Casting off the shackles of common sense, this man escalated the confrontation and called the authorities. For some reason the police actually showed up to this non-crime and immediately uncovered the truth; the CVS employee was a complete idiot. He was fired for being incredibly dumb.

Personally I dislike CVS solely because their employees are incompetent and the lines always take too long. And of course the running joke of their stupidly lengthy receipts. This doesn’t affect my opinion of the store at all simply because my opinion couldn’t get much lower.

HOA Pool Guy – This piece of shit. Not so much because he was dumb enough to be clearly racist in a world where everything can be recorded and spread online in seconds, but because he willingly is involved with his HOA. Homeowner’s associations are the bane of my existence; they’re run by petty assholes who spend their days nitpicking and attempting to exert their pathetic influence over the innocent. The fact that this man chose to be part of it says volumes about his personality. I already hate him.

The woman in question was completely justified in raising hell and wrecking this man’s world. If were rightfully at neighborhood pool where I owned a home and some self-righteous dipshit came up to me and demanded I prove that I live there, my rage would be untethered. The string of expletives unleashed would be one of those comically long beeps you see on Jerry Springer.

Aside from that, he’s an idiot. If he was so hellbent on getting non-members out of the pool he should have started with the person to his left and demanded every single ID in the place. But no, he singled out the only black people and made a beeline for them. Rookie mistake. He lost his job over this and the next place he applies to is going to Google search his name and say “oh yeah, I remember this dumb racist.” Poor choice.

BBQ Becky – Imagine being such a miserable person that simply walking by black people having a small barbecue in a nearby park just ruins your entire day. The most amazing part of this to me is that this woman wasn’t even at the park or intending to enjoy the park. She just saw it and decided to spend the next hour being a complete piece of shit.

She dropped the n-bomb on camera, a ridiculously bold move in any venue (remember when Kramer went full racist?) and went on to claim she owned the park. Sadly she was misinformed from the start; the picnickers were indeed in an area that allowed their grill. The cops showed up and promptly left. She at least kept her job.

Pool Patrol Paula – This woman didn’t actually call the police, but she never had a chance. I have no idea if the black kids in question were trespassing or not, but she went off the rails from the beginning. She’s on video actually hitting minors and reportedly made use of some select racial slurs. To make things even better, she attacked the police when they came to arrest her later. She bit a cop.

She was fired from her job in sales and released on a rather high bail. Given her appearance, demeanor, and proclivity to violence I’d say she has a promising future in meth.

Calling police for a hard foul in pickup basketball – This one doesn’t have a cool alliterated nickname yet. Hard Foul Harry or something like that will be along shortly. But yes, at an LA Fitness in Virginia a person fell victim to a well placed pick in a casual basketball game. Rather than foul back on the next play or crossing him over then insulting his mother, the man got up and said he was calling the police.

Lo and behold, a few minutes later the police actually showed up. As you might expect no charges were filed and the cops simply had their time wasted. It’s worth noting that while it was a white person complaining about a black person, this one may not be all racial. The guy may have just been a pussy.

As someone who’s had at least one bench warrant issued for me in my lifetime, I can’t fathom a world where you willingly invite the police into your life. For these garbage people the police didn’t pose the problem, but the attention involved just wrecked their lives for at least the next few months. Three of them lost their actual jobs and will probably struggle to pay bills because they were compelled to go out of their way to be dicks.